Semester With McPherson (2012)

"There are no 4-5 mile tape measures."

"There are mountains taller than Mountain Everest in Hawaii; you just have to start under the ocean... but anyway..."

"That's what it boils down to: hairdos and fingernails."

"A guy takes 5 minutes to get ready. It takes a girl 5 days and she's still not ready."

"How is it that chapstick will get you a hundred?"

"I can go to the Dollar Tree and buy a 4 function calculator for one dollar all night."

"That's alright, in Virginia you can drink and drive and kind of get a warning."

"Don't go to North Carolina. And if you do, don't drink and drive. THEY WILL BURN YOU IN A HEARTBEAT."

Student- "What were you driving?"
McPherson- "A Plymouth."
Student- "Oh, that's probably why."
McPherson- "Yeah... it sucked."

"Remember, use when amicab- GET UP!"

"Sit up and pretend you're doing something!"

"Gonna wash the chalk dust off my hands..."

"A transit is basically a protractor on steroids."

"It was basically a big tape measure... but it was a chain."

"The tangent is in minutes... so the tangent is 16 minutes."

"I don't want to wait til I get to page 84, I want to get there NOW!"

"CRANK AND DIAL! CRANK AND DIAL!"

"I think it's the same symbol, they just added a lightning bolt."

"It shoots 10,000 bullets a second. It's like 'meech', it shoots down a bullet."

"Why re-invent the wheel? We can just steal one of theirs."

"Stop sitting there with your jaw hanging and DO IT!"

"We're just drawing the picture, we don't even know what the question is yet."

*HEAVILY BLOWS ON CALCULATOR* "Had to get out that chalk dust!"

"...toggle over to the end."

"It was an evil tree, it had to be cut down."

"You look at one of his album covers, he looks like Jim Croce!"

"Wait til chapter 4." *mischievous smirk*

"Anybody want a stencil?....No?"

"I called you Sunshine."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, it just wasn't funny."

"Personal opinions are like rear ends. We all have them and they all stink."

"Life is a competition."

"Let me tell you a story, well it's from a book, I don't know if its true or not."

"...And the lawyer goes, 'Fair enough.'"

"I'm tired. I wanna go home. But I have to work til 10 o'clock tonight. I bet you didn't wanna hear that though."

"Spring Dance, or Ring Dance rather."

"Saturday school... that's obviously on a Saturday."

"It's good when more people ask for it. MORE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK."

"I'm going to be lazy and use my calculator...that's what it's for."

"Mhmmm, very lovely." *sarcasm*

"I'M RAISING MY VOICE, THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART!"

"I prefer the metric system myself."

"How many of you have ever had to push a car?"

"I don't really know the size of Djibouti."

"Do you walk often?"

"Don't make me come over there!"

"I wish I could get a calculator with really big buttons."

"I have big fingers. I just keep pushing like 5 buttons at the same time."

"I wear a size 14 ring, you could probably wear it as a bracelet."

"Want a tissue?"

"It's 2π... it can't be 2π...?"

"This is a bad economy to be looking for a job."

"I know it's out of our control, but it's starting to get disruptive!"

"WRITE THAT DOWN AND PUT IT ON YOUR BLOG!"

Semester With McPherson (2012)

"I'm cheap! I like money, but I'm cheap. I like getting money!"

"...So I have this dead tree in my backyard, with branches falling on things."

"I could cut a tree with chainsaw and make it fall anywhere I'd want it to fall."

"I don't care what you write with, as long as you don't write with blood... or something dirty."

"I knew this one guy in the Navy who didn't last very long, who was big into drugs."

"A picture is worth a thousand words, when in doubt, draw a diagram."

"Some people cannot see the color red very well."

"Do I look like someone who would Zumba in front of a whole bunch of people?"

"I'm fa and I'm lazy, look at me!"

"I'm gonna pass on Zumba."

"I'm as strong as an ox and almost as smart."

"Shame and embarrassment are great teaching tools."

"75? Alright, I gotta quit tryin' to do it in my head."

"Well they're not kids. they're 30 and 40 years old."

"We are on step A now, but you know we will be at step E later. So we have to do step A, B, and C now before we can get to step E."

"You're not listening to the answer because it'd not what you thought."

"Reference angles are pos-ah-IVE."

"Oh, you have to get more cold hearted."

"Nothing like kissing up."

"It's just a love fest in here everyday."

"I bit another guys ear off, that's the story." (sarcasm)

"Yeah never mind, I do look like someone who would bite another guy's ear off."

Me-"Hello!" McPherson-"......uh."

"Huhhalright..."

"Let's go ahead and work out that, work that out rather, let me get my English right."

"I marked that page and I STILL can't find it. THERE IT IS!"

"Signs are important."

"One millionth of a degree, not that big of a deal, until your space probe goes 1 million miles that way."

"I was in the Navy and the navigator was using his handy dandy calculator."

"We busted a multimillion dollar thing."

"The French don't like us in the firs place."

"Accuracy is money!"

"The school yellow 84s DON'T!"

"I used o work for a restaurant supplier business to afford to become a teacher."

"Pardon me but I'm going to have to talk around a cough drop... or I don't talk at all."

"If you're like me with humongously large hands..."

"I wear a size 14 ring."

"Two lessons, one day, you don't want that."

"What does anybody need to say that's so important that can't wait?!?"

"'What are you wearing tomorrow? 'I'm wearing my pink dress and pink sandals.'"

"You're the kind of guy that'll get in a wreck and walk away without a scratch and leave the other guy in a railroad."

"I didn't care and it wasn't my business, and I didn't particularly like the guy ,well no one liked him."

"I wrote him up because he missed watch. YOU DON'T MISS WATCH!"

"The leaf doesn't fall too far from the tree."

"You knew whether your ships had nucs (nuclear weapons) or not."

"IT CAN SHOOT DOWN BULLETS.... we shouldn't really be talking about this..."

"Some army general saw the demonstration and thought, 'WOW!''

"We stole it from the Russians."

"They made him say in the Navy and gave him $10 a month to live on."

Semester With McPherson (Throwbacks 2011)

"I've had this look since I was three years old."

"I know it because in my lifetime, I've solved it 32 trillion times."

"Back when calculators were first mad, before you were a thought of, before you were a gleam in your parents' eyes..."

"In 1971, I was in 8th grade."

"Texans like Texas, now they're in China, they don't like Texas that much."

"85 dollars in 1971 was like $5-6-700 now!"

"Some of you guys think the calculator's God."

"It's hot, you want it, that's fine."

"If you guys in the front don't like that fan blowing on you, I'll make it so it only blows on me."

"I had an Algebra 1 class, but they all got sent to jail, and the class got smaller and smaller."

"I was strong as an ox, almost as smart."

"You don't know anything about that, working 30 hours a week."

"I DON'T SHOW MERCY!"

"Are your toenails a weird color? Take this pill."

"Back when they had Roman flush toilets, then they went behind a bush again, they went backwards."

"I always do that. I know it doesn't work, but I do it to make me feel better."

"Let's get started means you close your mouth and I open mine!"

"You're rude, you just say stuff without thinking. I do it on purpose!"

"Europeans don't shave their legs and armpits."

*YAWN* "I need a nap!"

"I used to have a student that peed on himself all the time... guess he couldn't control it."

"She slapped him and he peed in her shoe out of spite."

"Watching him draw with two hands was amazing!"

"Sesame Street has done more harm than good."

"You do realize Alzheimer's runs in my family?"

"Dead baby jokes are gross!"

"I'm a man of action, not words."

"If you get fired from your second job, your lifetime saying will be, 'Do you want fries with that?'."

"Brag Tag... you know, customized license plates? Like 'Bob and Sally'."

"You're going to go in, gamble, and lose your house, your car, and your family."

"Well my mind's made up. Don't confuse me with the facts!"

"I'm thinking about switching to an mp3."

"The average 14 year old has the hearing of an 85 year old a hundred years ago. There wasn't that much background noise back then, maybe a cow walks by and passes wind, but that's it. Now we have cars!"

*Phone rings* "McPherson?!....Excuse me, I don't want to say this in front of my class..." *steps out, still audible, walks in, and hangs up* "Anywaaaaay..."

"Wait, he just bout a stereo from Stereos-R-Us."

"There aren't a whole lot of chalk stores out there."

"It takes a long time to make chalk."

"I didn't stutter and your ears didn't flutter!"

"I don't celebrate Halloween because it's a demonic holiday."

"Watches are cheap these days."

*Talking about after prom parties hosted by the school.* "It's for keeping kids from going to hotel rooms and getting knocked up."

"I don't wanna be a sexist, even if I am."

"You tell a story to make a point. That's how Jesus did it. It worked for him, so I'm going to do it."

"Rappers are just 21st century poets."

"There was no dougie back then."

"Whenever he'd get drafted, he'd hide in the woods. He watched the battle."

Student- "Do you like dogs?" McPherson- "BBQ!"

Semester With McPherson (2012)

Well, I got extremely lucky with my schedule this year and was put into another class with the great Mr. McPherson. It's only been about two weeks in his class and I already have a bunch of quotes. I literally have to bite my lower lip to stop myself from laughing in the middle of his lesson. It's a "You had to be there" kind of thing, but I hope you can find the humor in it anyway.


"Everybody knows about copying your buddy's homework. It was around when I was in school. It was around when my daddy was in school."

"The only thing worse than a sophomore is a freshman."

"If you're that desperate to have friends, to be in the POPular crowd, then more power to ya!"

"If you come to my desk and take and use some of myself without asking, IMMA FLY HOT AT YOU!!!"

"I was always walking in the rain getting somewhere."

"I didn't put a rule to not set the building on fire, but it's common sense."

"....if you have the Bubonic Plague and you're out for like two weeks...THAT'S the type of thing you get excused for."

"Don't pick a fight with people you don't know, especially crazy people... well anyone really, because if they won't get in your face, they'll just pop a cap in your rear end!"

"In general, when one lost it, they ALL lost it." *HAHAHA* "No, I mean riots!!"

"We had a 10 year old who killed his entire family because his grandmother wouldn't let him hang out with his friends at 7 Eleven ... cute little kid."

"What's the illuminati? I've never heard of it, is it some Catholic belief, because I'm Protestant."

"You're going to have some quizzes unannounced i.e. POP QUIZZES."

"They give you a $5 word when a nickle word would've been just fine."

"If it's working, don't fix it, then this guy goes and invents grads... then no one used it."

"No, that's what it was, men living in tents, herding goats."

"The Greeks were living in caves and hunting dinosaurs while the Chinese were writing down and teaching geometry, but the Greeks got all the credit!"

"If it looks like a straight line, IT IS."

"85 BUCKS for a four function calculator , I didn't even know they existed!"

"That tree's probably 40 years old."

"Not if you have 3 billion 672 degrees."

"We did everything by hand!"

"Seconds are relatively small."

"I can't divide anymore."

"Oh there isn't a third warning, the world just comes crashing down on your little head."

"Ah I better roll up my pants because it's getting deep."

student- "I like your tie." McPherson- "Thanks. My wife picked it out." student- "Why?"
McPherson- "She says I dress like an old man."

"Again, we're going rationalize the denominator..."

"We wasically, huh! We wasically, we BASICALLY..."

"And they were confusing as all crap!"

"Go over there and touch it, I want to know what you're talking about."

"I've never fallen off a bus, I've fallen off of other things. I once fell off a ladder."

"Your test will comprise of multiple choice and fiill-in-the-bank." (yes, he said bank)

"He chewed some 30 year old gum and got the trots."

"I was hoping you'd screw that one up."

"I hate winter! Every time I touch the blackboard, it shocks me!"

"Look up now, this is understanding an abstract concept!"

"That's the first time I've seen you smile. That's okay, I like to look mean, too."

"You look like a laid-back bum type."

"I had an uncle who wouldn't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he made his wife make it."

"FORGOT MY THETA..!"

Well Hey There 2012, Nice of You to Join Us.

It's the first day of the new year and I feel... well, I feel the same way I felt 8 weeks ago. But, nevertheless, I am excited for a new year. 2012 means:

• Leap Year



• Olympics
  


• People going crazy over the end of the world.
  


• Hopefully a LOT more blog posts.

It's going to be a busy, busy, BUSY year for me, but I'm up for the challenge.

Happy New Year!

Semester With McPherson

"Tomorrow is the Junior College Night......for juniors."

"You know how there's always that weird person in a group? Well 1 and 0 are the odd balls."

"You got that smirky look like the cat that ate the canary or something."

"I don't mean E, I mean EEEEE!"

"I first took Algebra in 1972."

"I can close my eyes and see a blackboard and see it working itself out."

"Excuse me gentlemen, and I use the word lightly."

"Ladies and gentlemen,and other assorted folks in here..."

"...Little Magic Walmart Fairy."

"I hate to see Oldsmobile go, I loved those cars."

"What?!? What did you say?!? I'm hearing impaired, speak louder!!"

"Gentlemen! When I say 'Gentlemen' I mean SSHUT UP or GET OUT!"

"There's a picture, let me find it....Nevermind, it's not a good picture."

"I think we can squeeze in at least one more!"

"You can scream with the eagles if you don't hoot with the owls."

"You're trying to get too fancy."

*COUGH* "Excuse me, my throat's going out."

McPherson-"Does anyone notice anything?" Student-"It's the same answer." McPherson-"Does anybody know about the communative property?" Student-"IT'S THE SAME ANSWER!" McPherson-"Well.....It's the same answer." *LAUGHTER*

more to come.....

Semester With McPherson

"If I don't get to take a nap, nobody gets to take a nap."

"I have a feeling that what you're doing is weird."

"Don't make me come back there!"

"I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about my brother to someone else."

"You want me to be quiet?!? I don't have to be quiet, I'm a grown man!"

"You always have that lost look on your face, are you lost?"

"Okay we're going to talk about blahbalablabala let me start again."

"You have that 'I really have to go' look, so I'll let you go. If I was mean I'd tell you to wait and see if you pee on yourself. HAHA!"

"That's a part of getting old. You've done everything. There's no more fun!"

"I meant to yell at you today..."

"Alright, let's do number C, well just C, I can't say number, C is not a number....so just C."

"I always remembered that number because that's the street I lived on, route 343."

"I used to live by a family with 22 brothers and another family with 22 sisters and they all got married."

"I'm gon' teach you some old school arithematic."

"I'm about to snap! Ya'll won't like the results."

"I don't wanna, NEVERMIND, I wanna know what you said."

"MUAHAHAHA! I can't wait to hear you guys whine."

"You know what they say about the weather in Hampton Roads? If you don't like it, wait 15 minutes because it's gon' change anyway."

"One crazy person a day is enough!"

"I had a senior in a Part A class, but I think he dropped...I think he quit school."

"If you want to blame someone for graphing, blame the FRENCH!"

"I hear a lot of mouths running and I'm about to POP!"

"Gentlemen, you won't like it if I come back there."

"You need to put your hands on it and do it along with me."

"You keep talkin' you might not survive THAT, especially when I'm in a bad mood."

"Who's the low life who owns this hat?!?"

"Red shirt, red hat, you're in the crips."

Class-"You're wearing blue." Mcpherson-"That's my favorite color." *BIG GRIN*

"Wake up out of your middle class world and read a book!"

"I think I can draw a straighter line than that."

"I worked 60 hours a week from the time I was 9 to when I graduated high school."

"Who do you know that's a puddle pirate?"

"Pardon me, but I'm still fighting the flu and my throat is going out again soo...."

"There's nothing in life that's free."

"I came out of a white ghetto."

"The first number is 6660, OH don't like THAT number."

"I asked you to shut up several times! Your mouths are still going."

"It's time to get started is code for SHUT UP!"

"Less letters less space. Less space less paper. Less paper less printing. Less printing less cost."

*YAWN* "We need to do nap-time after they do lunch. We didn't have kindergarten in school when I was in school."

*Phone rings* "MCPHERSON?!?"

"First of all, teaching 2+2 everyday would bore the crap out of me!"

"They were going twice as slow, or half as fast, however you want to look at it."

"I like to work it out and BOOM there's my answer."

"....3 or 2 or 5..or 82 BILLION...."

"You're now up here with the big boys, SO ACT LIKE IT!"

"This is like high school, it's all about looks."

"I didn't say conjugal, get your minds out of the gutter!"

"I know what I do and don't know."

"I'm sure, 1000% sure."

"Better be fast because the door closes quick."

more to come.....