Semester With McPherson (Throwbacks 2011)

"I've had this look since I was three years old."

"I know it because in my lifetime, I've solved it 32 trillion times."

"Back when calculators were first mad, before you were a thought of, before you were a gleam in your parents' eyes..."

"In 1971, I was in 8th grade."

"Texans like Texas, now they're in China, they don't like Texas that much."

"85 dollars in 1971 was like $5-6-700 now!"

"Some of you guys think the calculator's God."

"It's hot, you want it, that's fine."

"If you guys in the front don't like that fan blowing on you, I'll make it so it only blows on me."

"I had an Algebra 1 class, but they all got sent to jail, and the class got smaller and smaller."

"I was strong as an ox, almost as smart."

"You don't know anything about that, working 30 hours a week."

"I DON'T SHOW MERCY!"

"Are your toenails a weird color? Take this pill."

"Back when they had Roman flush toilets, then they went behind a bush again, they went backwards."

"I always do that. I know it doesn't work, but I do it to make me feel better."

"Let's get started means you close your mouth and I open mine!"

"You're rude, you just say stuff without thinking. I do it on purpose!"

"Europeans don't shave their legs and armpits."

*YAWN* "I need a nap!"

"I used to have a student that peed on himself all the time... guess he couldn't control it."

"She slapped him and he peed in her shoe out of spite."

"Watching him draw with two hands was amazing!"

"Sesame Street has done more harm than good."

"You do realize Alzheimer's runs in my family?"

"Dead baby jokes are gross!"

"I'm a man of action, not words."

"If you get fired from your second job, your lifetime saying will be, 'Do you want fries with that?'."

"Brag Tag... you know, customized license plates? Like 'Bob and Sally'."

"You're going to go in, gamble, and lose your house, your car, and your family."

"Well my mind's made up. Don't confuse me with the facts!"

"I'm thinking about switching to an mp3."

"The average 14 year old has the hearing of an 85 year old a hundred years ago. There wasn't that much background noise back then, maybe a cow walks by and passes wind, but that's it. Now we have cars!"

*Phone rings* "McPherson?!....Excuse me, I don't want to say this in front of my class..." *steps out, still audible, walks in, and hangs up* "Anywaaaaay..."

"Wait, he just bout a stereo from Stereos-R-Us."

"There aren't a whole lot of chalk stores out there."

"It takes a long time to make chalk."

"I didn't stutter and your ears didn't flutter!"

"I don't celebrate Halloween because it's a demonic holiday."

"Watches are cheap these days."

*Talking about after prom parties hosted by the school.* "It's for keeping kids from going to hotel rooms and getting knocked up."

"I don't wanna be a sexist, even if I am."

"You tell a story to make a point. That's how Jesus did it. It worked for him, so I'm going to do it."

"Rappers are just 21st century poets."

"There was no dougie back then."

"Whenever he'd get drafted, he'd hide in the woods. He watched the battle."

Student- "Do you like dogs?" McPherson- "BBQ!"